Deep Water Sinks To New Depths

Thousands of years ago around Greenland in the North Atlantic, gigantic icebergs began to melt as the result of a dramatic climate change. As the ice melted, the water quickly sank to the bottom of the ocean to depths exceeding 10,000 feet. As it sank it did not mix significantly with the surrounding ocean water because of a marked difference in temperature and salinity. Thus a huge volume of water, essentially the remnants of giant icebergs and thusvirtually free of pathogens and chemicals was established and ready to begin a long journey.

And so begins the confusing mix of science and hype that's all part of Kona Deep, a relatively new addition to the world of bottled waters. I've written before on the marketing craze behind desalinated deep sea water. And Craig over at Deep Sea News has written extensively about it as well. But I just had my first chance to taste the magic when I spotted Kona Deep sold at the local ABC Store. At $1.99 for 16 fluid ounces (500ml) I figured it was a bargain for such a "pathogen and chemical-free" treat. How about value? Take a look at the image to the right and decide for yourself.

But am I worthy? I'm not so sure after checking-out the Kona Deep customer profile found on their website. Ask yourself:

• Are you upscale, health-oriented, knowledgeable, have discriminating taste and appreciate subtle differences in taste?
• Do you enjoy fine dining, cooking and entertaining and insist on the finest quality brands and ingredients for cocktails, meals and dinner parties,etc?
• Are you a drinker of single-malts, bourbons, premium ryes and cognacs and want the ultimate splash or chaser with these fine beverages?
• Do you like to have the best on hand for guests, entertaining and other special events?
• Do you love Hawaii and just like having a little bit of paradise on hand all the time?

Honestly, the Kona Deep team must have a sense of humor, because this certainly made me chuckle while reading it. So after all this build-up, how does it taste? You can imagine my excitement as I twisted the cap off my "little bit of paradise" in the privacy of my hotel room. With my "ultimate splash or chaser" now open, I brought the bottle to my nose to breathe in the bouquet. Not a hint of odor, which immediately made me question if I had the sufficiently "discriminating taste" so typical of the Kona Deep customer. And the taste? It tasted like... well, like water. Like ice-cold bottled water. No magic, no paradise, no subtle undertaste of the ocean. Just a mouthful of water. Certainly satisfying, hardly transformative.

The Kona Deep folks really want to convince you how special their product is though. They'll tell you about the “Global Conveyor Belt” of ocean currents and water density that's responsible for their product. Then there's the incomprehensible “Drinking Water Reverse Pyramid” where deep ocean water is apparently the pinnacle of the reverse pyramid. Or is it the base? I honestly can't tell you since the Kona Deep PR team is apparently employing reverse common sense as well. Despite all the hoo-haw (or perhaps on account of it), I can't help but admire the chutzbah on display. Just enough science to appear credible, coupled with cutting edge design and production. Go Deep! is the company motto, though perhaps it should be Go East! since the core market for desalinated deep sea water appears to be Japanese consumers (of which Hawaii has no dearth).

Still, I plan to bring a few bottles home as souvenirs. Perhaps I'll send one down to Craig McClain at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute since he must have a mass spectrometer laying around just dying to taste some Kona Deep. The rest I'll just have to dole out to my discriminating colleagues and friends who "like having a little bit of paradise on hand at all times." Let me know if I can hook you up.